


Cursed

by LadyMango



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Awkward Situation, Confessions, Cursed Crowley, Embarrassed Aziraphale (Good Omens), Embarrassed Crowley (Good Omens), First Kiss, First Time, Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Misunderstandings, One Shot, Pining, frightened crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:22:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22718137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMango/pseuds/LadyMango
Summary: Crowley goes to Aziraphale hoping he can break a curse cast onto him by a demon. He is so embarrassed about what the curse is that he lies to Aziraphale about it.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 322





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after the book rather than the TV show, where Crowley and Aziraphale face no consequences for stopping the apocalypse and Heaven and Hell, with some embarrassment, just pretend like nothing happened. 
> 
> I already have the 2nd/final Chapter written, I just wanna give it a last read through before I post it.

***

Aziraphale was sat at his desk in his bookshop, reading some poetry, when the peaceful silence was broken by the screeching of protesting brakes outside. 

Through the window he saw Crowley stagger out of his Bentley and then dash towards the door, a panicked look on his face.

Heart racing, Aziraphale ran across the room and reached the door just as Crowley burst through it, setting the bell jangling wildly. Crowley moved towards Aziraphale like a drowning man to a life ring.

“Angel!” 

The demon looked so distraught that Aziraphale’s mind immediately jumped to the worst case scenario and he felt convinced that Hell had changed their minds and decided to take action against Crowley after all.

It had been almost a year since the failed apocalypse, and at first Aziraphale had felt a near constant fear of retaliation but these past few months he had really started to feel safe again. That sense of security was quickly crumbling away.

“W- What happened?” Aziraphale asked, terrified of the answer.

Crowley ran a shaking hand through his hair. He removed his sunglasses and then looked at Aziraphale, his eyes desperate. “You know how to remove a curse, right?”

“A curse?”

“You can remove them, right?”

Aziraphale felt bewildered. “Er, yes. It’s been a while, but yes.” 

Aziraphale looked closely at Crowley using supernatural sight, and saw the black fog of a curse swirling around him. He let out a shocked sound. “Oh! Oh, Crowley! What happened?”

“They put a bloody curse me, didn't they! Those bastards!”

Aziraphale locked the door and made sure the sign was spun to ‘Closed.’ 

“Who did this?”

“The demon Asmodeus. The others were egging him on. Absolute bastards, the lot of them!”

“Come along, my dear,” Aziraphale said, taking Crowley by the arm and steered him towards the back room. “We must get this sorted out straight away.”

“You’re telling me!”

“I’ve used my divine powers to break curses on humans plenty of times, so don’t you worry. We’ll have you back to normal in a jiffy.” 

Crowley sat down on the sofa, fidgeting and tapping his foot distractedly while Aziraphale closed the door to the backroom. 

“Now, which curse is it?” Aziraphale asked.

Crowley tensed and looked up at him. “Does it really matter?”

“I’m afraid it does matter, yes.”

Crowley looked distraught. When he had first arrived he had been deathly pale, but now his cheeks were starting to redden. He cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable. 

Aziraphale took mercy on him.

“I only need to know what category it is. Different categories are broken in different ways. Is it a misfortune curse? Or a timed curse? Or a hex? Or- or I can get one of my books if that helps?”

“Timed? I think? I have to do a particular thing within a time limit or I’ll die. I’ve got until the next full moon. This Saturday. Only four days left!”

Aziraphale’s chest tightened. “Die?” 

“Well, discorporate. If it were cast on a human then they would die, but I will just discorporate.”

“Oh. Thank goodness.”

“Don’t look so relieved! If I don’t break the curse in time and I discorporate, that won’t be the end of it! The second my people send me back to Earth with a new body I’ll just discorporate again. There will be no escape from it, I'll just keep on dying. I’ll have to stay in Hell, in a bloody desk job! Aziraphale, you have to remove this curse!”

“R- right. Don’t worry!” 

Aziraphale felt horrified at the thought of Crowley being trapped in Hell, of never being able to see him again. The sooner this curse was broken the better. 

“Now, my dear, what is it that you would have to do before the time limit runs out to break the curse? I need to know the category of that too.”

“Why?!” Crowley snapped, but then he sighed with defeat. “It’s- it’s a sexual one, okay? An incubus cast it, so of course it would be.”

“That fiend! Don’t you worry, Crowley, I'll fix this! You’ll be as right as rain in no time.”

"I, er... to break the curse I would have to... have sex with an incubus."

"Oh, I see! So this was all a horrible and convoluted way to get you into his bed then?"

"Yeah, but the jokes on him! I would have just gone with one of the other incubi anyway if I had to. But if you could break this curse for me instead, that'd be great."

"Yes, of course."

Aziraphale grabbed a vintage Candlestick holder complete with a candle then placed it on the coffee table. He clicked his fingers and a flame burst forth.

Crowley shuffled backwards in his seat and eyed the flame nervously. “Is fire really necessary?”

“Yes, a candle is needed for the ritual.”

Crowley sighed. “Be careful. Fire and this shop don’t mix.”

“I will, dear boy. I have this under control.” 

Aziraphale pulled up a chair and sat down. It had been a while since he had last broken a curse, but he easily remembered what he needed to do.

He picked up the candle from the table and held it in his lap before starting to chant in an ancient language. As the words started to weave their magic, he could see the black fog that surrounded Crowley becoming more defined and focused, until it took on the distinctive pattern of the precise curse which had been cast. 

And it was not the curse Crowley had told him it was. 

Crowley did not have to have sex with an Incubus in order to break the curse. He had to lose his virginity. 

Crowley was a virgin.

This was a bit of a surprise to Aziraphale. In fact he was so shocked by this revelation that he lost his concentration and stuttered during the chant which made the candle flame blow out.

Crowley looked alarmed. “Wh- what happened? Did it work?”

“Oops! No! Sorry! I, er, mispronounced something… I have to start again. So sorry.”

Crowley deflated. 

Aziraphale stood up, almost knocking his chair over in his haste. He placed the candle on the table. “I’ll just- I need some incense. It helps to ground me. I’ll be right back.”

“Shall I come with-”

“No, no! You wait here,” Aziraphale exclaimed, almost tripping over a pile of books as he edged towards the door. “I’ll be right back!” 

Aziraphale fled the room into the shop itself, closing the door behind him. He just needed a moment to get his head around this new information. It was all a bit much to take in.

He grabbed a box of incense he kept in one of his desk drawers and then just stood there staring at it, unseeing.

He had always thought that Crowley was promiscuous, constantly bedding humans, and Crowley had actively encouraged him to believe this. Now it was clear that this couldn't be further from the truth. 

Why had Crowley lied? Why did he even want him to believe that he was constantly seducing humans in the first place? 

Crowley liked to pretend at being human, at acting like a certain type of man, but Aziraphale had always thought that it was all just a show he put on for the humans, not for him. He liked to think he knew the real Crowley, but clearly he didn't know him as well as he thought he did.

Aziraphale had feelings for Crowley, but he had decided not to act on them because he thought Crowley wouldn't want to be monogamous. This changed things.

He wondered why Crowley had told him that he needed to have sex with an incubus in order to break the curse, but then it dawned on him that there were only three sex curses: lose your virginity, have sex with an incubi or succubi, or have sex with anyone - and that last one would have confused Aziraphale, because why would Crowley be upset about having to do something that he liked to do all the time anyway? 

Crowley had lied because he was scared Aziraphale would figure out the truth. It was plain that Crowley didn't want him to know, or suspect, that he was a virgin. He might be embarrassed about it, or maybe it just didn’t fit in with his demonic image. 

It wasn't unusual in itself that Crowley was a virgin - all angels, including the fallen, were sexless unless they made an effort and many didn't bother - but Crowley must have a sex drive or the curse would not have worked on him. Sex curses only worked on those who have sexuality, so surely he indulged himself even if he did not take partners.

Aziraphale was unsure what losing one’s virginity even really meant in terms of the curse. These days, many people thought that having penis-in-vagina sex for the first time was what it took to loose ones virginity, but many cultures throughout history saw it differently.

Aziraphale was used to breaking curses with some good, old, ritualistic chanting, therefore he didn't know much about this side of things. He was unsure what the curse would actually require Crowley to do. It might even be little more than kissing and fondling. 

Initially, Aziraphale had assumed that being a virgin meant Crowley would have no sexual experience at all, but really it only meant that he hadn't had the exact sexual experience that was required to break the curse. It was entirely possible that Crowley had experimented sexually without losing his virginity. 

Aziraphale considered consulting one of his books to find out, but really it was irrelevant and invasive, it was none of his business how much Crowley might have already done sexually, and really he should be getting back to him right now. He ought to be helping him, not ruminating like this. 

He imagined himself marching back into the other room and sweetly telling Crowley that he knew a far more exciting and fun way to break the curse, then pinning him to the sofa and kissing him senseless.

He blushed, embarrassed and ashamed of himself, this was no time to be fantasising about his poor, dear friend! He had to help him, no distractions. He could fantasise as much as he liked when all this was over and Crowley was safe.

But as he walked back to the other room, Aziraphale found himself wondering what the chances were that Crowley desired him back. Aziraphale had always tried not to dwell on this possibility, back when he'd been resisting such a temptation, but now he desperately hoped that Crowley felt the same way. Perhaps Crowley would want a monogamous relationship with him after all. 

He stopped at the door, clutching the incense tightly, and forced himself to calm down. He shouldn't get his hopes up anyway, Crowley might be a virgin because he simply didn't want to have sex with anyone. Perhaps he was asexual. There could be any number of reasons why he would want to stay a virgin. And Crowley might not be attracted to him in that way anyway.

He needed to stop obsessing like this, he was torturing himself. All that mattered right now was getting Crowley out of this awful situation as quickly as he could. There would be plenty of time later to obsess over how Crowley might feel about him, but right now he had an important job to do.

He walked into the back room with a smile and plenty of reassuring words for Crowley, who was wringing his hands and looking worried. 

After sitting down and lighting both the incense and the candle, Aziraphale got back to work. He focused all of his attention and power on the task at hand. The room was silent, save for the sound of his voice.

He quickly realised that whoever had cast this evil spell was very skilled, and that it was going to take everything he had in order to break it. After several failed attempts he started to get worried but hid it as best as he could from Crowley. He tried every trick he could think of, his panic rising as it became clear that he was not strong or skilled enough to do this. He kept going, refusing to give in, but nothing worked. 

Aziraphale stopped chanting, finally having to admit defeat. He stared miserably at the swirling black fog that shrouded his best friend, trying to figure out how on Earth to tell Crowley that he had failed him. 

"Aziraphale...?" Crowley asked quietly.

"I- I'm sorry. I can't do it. I've tried everything."

Crowley made a frightened noise. "What are you talking about?! I know you can do it! Come on!"

"I'm sorry. I’ve tried everything. It's no use."

"But you must be able to do it! Try again! Please! You can't give up now!"

"Crowley..."

"Wait, wait, I know what went wrong! I must have been mistaken. Maybe it's a different curse. S- still a sex one, but..." 

"That wouldn't make a difference. All sexual curses are broken in the same way."

"But what if it does matter after all? It might work if you try it again, when you know the real curse!"

Aziraphale shook his head. "No, I already know the real curse, it became visible while I was chanting."

"It... It did? You saw it? Oh. So... Oh. Right. Well then. So you, er, already know. Right." Crowley leant forward and put his face in his hands. "And you really can't break the curse?”

“I can’t. I’m so sorry.”

Crowley let out a whimper. 

"But, maybe... It's a long shot, but witches are historically speaking rather adept when it comes to curses. Maybe that nice young lady - Anathema - maybe she might be able to break the curse using magic. You remember her? She had lots of occult items in her bicycle basket." 

Crowley looked up hopefully. "Yeah! She was very witchy!"

"Exactly! And she comes from a long line of witches. It's certainly worth a try."

“Yeah, I bet she can break the curse!" Crowley said enthusiastically. "Otherwise I’m gonna have to choose between spending eternity in Hell shifting papers or giving it up to some incubus, and I really don’t know which is worse.”

“Or a human, it wouldn’t have to be an incubus,” Aziraphale reminded him gently, concerned that Crowley was still sticking with his incubus story. 

“Nah. If I have to, if it comes down to it… I’ll probably end up doing it with an incubus. I don’t really know any humans well enough - It’d be weird. Couldn’t do it with a stranger.”

Aziraphale wanted to say, ‘I’m not a stranger! How about you do it with me!’ But he didn’t have the nerve. 

“I know one or two of the incubi well enough I suppose. But, well… they have a habit of blabbing,” Crowley said, looking miserable. "And I'd just rather not."

“Why did they do this to you?” Aziraphale asked, seething with anger. 

“Asmodeus said it was ridiculous for a demon that had been on Earth for as long as I have to have never… indulged. Said it’d do me good, and I would be grateful in the end. Bastard.”

“Maybe if you talk to one of your superiors, they might be able to force him to reverse it?”

Crowley shook his head. “Beelzebub was there and she thought it was a great idea.” 

“Bugger.”

“Hopefully bicycle-girl can fix it anyway,” Crowley said optimistically, getting to his feet. "Come on, I'll drive us there."

"Do you remember the way to her cottage?" Aziraphale asked as he followed Crowley to the door.

"Yeah. I guess you insisting that we give her and the other humans a lift home from the airfield has paid off."

Aziraphale frowned at him. "Well, there was plenty of room in the jeep you commandeered, and I don't know how else you expected those poor people to get back home safely."

Crowley didn't reply but Aziraphale was sure he rolled his eyes. 

Soon, they were getting into the car. 

Aziraphale fastened his safety belt while Crowley fiddled with the cassette player. He put in a cassette that said Vivaldi on it, his fingers crossed, but unfortunately it had already been in the car for two weeks and had morphed into The Best of Queen.

Crowley growled irritably. “Fine. We’ll listen to the radio then!”

The demon blinked and the radio switched itself on. 

A bouncy tune that Aziraphale didn’t recognise burst out of the speakers. A female voice crooned at them: 

…like a virgin touched for the very first time, like a viiiiiiiiirgin, with your heartbeat next to mine-

“Fuck off!” Crowley hissed furiously at the radio, his cheeks turning red. The radio went deathly silent. 

Crowley decided to opt for Queen after all.

Soon they were barrelling along on the motorway, breaking the speed limit. They sat in silence as Freddie Mercury serenaded them. 

Aziraphale’s heart was racing. There was something he needed to say to Crowley before they reached Anathema but he couldn’t quite find the courage to get the words out. He wanted to put an idea out there while there were still other options on the table, while Crowley still had hope that the curse could be broken by the witch. Because the more Aziraphale thought about it, the more he believed that Anathema wouldn’t be able to do this. Very soon, Crowley would have no options left. 

Aziraphale cleared his throat. “I was thinking… If this doesn’t work, and you didn’t want to, you know, be intimate with an incubus. Well. There’s always me. If that’s preferable. I just wanted you to know that’s an option. Have a think about it- watch that car!” 

The Bentley swerved, narrowly avoiding colliding with the car in front of them, then pulled over onto the lay-by and came to a stop.

“Sorry!” Crowley gasped, “That car slowed down out of nowhere!”

Aziraphale decided not to point out that the traffic had been slowing down to join the queue for a roundabout. “Apologies. I shouldn’t have distracted you while you were driving.”

“Angel, you- you don’t have to do this…”

“I know I don’t have to.” 

Crowley turned and stared at him, blushing furiously. Aziraphale’s own face felt hot.

Crowley averted his gaze. “It- It would change things between us. You’re very important to me and I don’t want to risk ruining our friendship.”

“Neither do I, but it wouldn’t necessarily ruin anything.”

Aziraphale suddenly realised that this might be Crowley’s way of letting him down gently. Perhaps Crowley didn’t like him like that. Aziraphale soldiered on. “But I know what you mean. It’s entirely up to you, my dear. I just wanted you to know that this is an option too. But I won’t be offended if you choose not to. And hopefully Anathema will sort everything out anyway, so you won’t even have to make that decision.” 

Crowley glanced up at him. He looked torn. It occurred to Aziraphale that Crowley knew that he was a virgin too and perhaps he was reluctant to take that away from him. He decided to put those worries to rest if he had them.

“And I’m a virgin too, so it would be a first for both of us. I must confess, I’ve been rather curious-” Aziraphale stopped speaking and stared in shock at Crowley. He had just rolled his eyes at him. The angel pursed his lips, confused and deeply offended. 

“Aziraphale, can you please just drop the act?” Crowley said, frustration in his voice. “You don’t need to pretend anymore. We both know that you’re experienced, and I certainly don’t judge you for that. I’d much rather we were both honest at this point.”

“I am being honest!” Aziraphale said hotly, hating being called a liar. “I’ve never been intimate with anyone!”

“I get it okay? You’ve got this pure and innocent image to maintain, just as I’ve been trying to act like this sex-crazed bad boy, but I think it would be best if we both just started telling the truth now.”

“I am telling the blasted truth! I’ve never done anything sexual with anyone before, ever. I’ve told you this before. Why on Earth would I lie? I mean, honestly, Crowley, you’re being incredibly silly.”

Crowley stared at him wide eyed. "Y- you've really never?" 

"Never."

"Oh." Crowley stared out of the window, his brow creasing in confusion. "But... you're always hanging around with gay men."

"That doesn't mean I'm having sex with them!" Aziraphale scoffed.

"But, er, I've seen you in gay clubs. And back in the day, I saw you in molly houses and ‘gentlemen's clubs’ and stuff." 

"Did you now,” Aziraphale said, raising an eyebrow. “I like to guide and protect those people. The police had a terrible habit of raiding Molly houses back in those days, and I needed to perform a fair few miracles to keep the patrons safe. You know that people who are homosexual have had a tough time through the ages, and even though things have improved somewhat I do still feel the need to look after them."

"Oh. That does make sense actually."

"Of course it makes sense, it’s the truth! I can't believe you thought I'd been having sex with humans this entire time. I made it perfectly plain to you that I was doing nothing of the sort."

"I thought you were just too embarrassed to confess to it for some reason. I don't know. Lust is one of ours."

"And Love is one of ours. And there's nothing wrong with a bit of intimacy."

"Right."

"Right."

"So you and Oscar Wilde?"

"For goodness sake, Crowley! Certainly not! I told you. He was a nice enough fellow, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be another notch on his bed post."

Crowley nodded. He gave him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I should have believed you from the start. I just got it into my head somehow.”

"I couldn't be with a human anyway. They are so different to us and their lives are so short. Anything more than a casual fling would be impossible, and I don’t really think flings would be my cup of tea."

"I know what you mean. That's why I've never gone with a human. I'm always so careful not to get too attached to any of them - it's too painful when they go and bloody die. And the whole 'not aging thing' is a pain in the arse, the number of times I've had to pretend to be my own son or grandson! We can never really be ourselves around them."

Aziraphale nodded. They sat in thoughtful silence for a moment.

"I can't believe I've been so wrong about you this whole time," Crowley said, "I honestly thought you were having tons of sex. This is a lot to get my head around."

"I honestly thought you were experienced too."

Crowley looked sheepish. "I mostly just let you think that because I didn't want you to think I wasn't getting any, when you were."

Aziraphale smiled at the demon. "We are a silly pair, aren't we?"

“Yeah,” Crowley said. “Are you really sure about this? Would you really be okay with… you know, helping me break the curse that way? If witch-girl can’t help, I mean.”

“As I said, I’ve always been curious. And, to be honest, you’re the only one I would consider doing it with anyway.”

“Really?” Crowley said, staring at him in amazement, but then a worried look crossed his face. “You’re not just saying all of this because of the curse, are you? I wouldn’t want to force you. And I always got the impression you didn’t feel that way about me.”

Aziraphale felt a nervous fluttering in his chest. “I confess that when I believed you were some sort of philanderer, I felt it would be a bad idea for anything of that nature to happen between us. But, er, that didn’t mean I’d never considered it.”

Crowley seemed suspicious of his words, like he didn’t entirely believe what Aziraphale had said. 

Aziraphale bit his lower lip. “I am a tad nervous though. I mean, I only know how to break curses using my powers. What would we need to do exactly?”

“Oh! Well, er…” Crowley cleared his throat. “Completion must be brought about by someone else’s physical contact.”

“Oh, like skin contact? Using hands, that sort of thing? That’s not so scary. No, that would be alright.” Aziraphale had worried that it might have been something potentially painful. “Would you be okay with it?”

Crowley shifted awkwardly in his seat. He nodded. “Yeah, I think so. So long as you are definitely okay with it. You really are considering doing this aren’t you? I mean, as a backup plan - if witch girl can’t help.”

“Of course. As a backup plan. Unless you would rather not.”

“Oh, no, no, no! I mean, I’d rather- I’d rather it was with you.”

Aziraphale smiled. “Oh, good! Well, I’m glad that’s settled then. That’s a relief. Let’s go and see Anathema then, shall we?”

Crowley nodded. 

Soon they had joined the traffic again and were zooming ever closer to Lower Tadfield. Aziraphale glanced at Crowley. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. 

***


	2. Chapter 2

***

A panicked sound escaped Crowley as they pulled up outside of Anathema’s cottage. He had already been dreading the prospect of explaining the situation to the witch, but it hadn’t even occurred to him that they might have an audience.

The garden was full of chatting humans, and the front door was open and he could see more people stood around inside. He was not in the mood for dealing with a social function, especially one that he had not actually been invited to. 

Aziraphale smiled. “Oh! She’s having a barbeque. How lovely!”

“Yeah, great,” said Crowley sarcastically. 

“You wait here, dear boy. I’ll go and find Anathema and explain the situation to her.”

“Thank you.” 

Aziraphale gave him a warm smile that did something weird to Crowley’s chest before getting out of the car and then wandering away into the garden. 

Crowley watched him go, his fingers tapping nervously on the steering wheel. He felt a sweet, tender feeling flood through him as he gazed upon the angel, mixed in with sheer blind terror. He looked away and stared miserably through the windscreen instead.

Aziraphale had offered to have sex with him - if the witch couldn’t break the curse, of course - and the angel had even sounded like he was okay with the idea. Aziraphale had said that he was curious, and that Crowley was the only one he had ever actually considered doing it with. Crowley felt giddy and mortified all at once. He had secretly hoped that Aziraphale would want to sleep with him. He’d never imagined doing it with anyone else. 

Crowley had often fantasised about them confessing their feelings for each other in a big, romantic and passionate moment rather than this awkward and casual offer of sex, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Crowley had meant it when he said that he would never judge Aziraphale or think less of him for having had sex before, but Crowley had been worried that he would never be able to measure up to the angel’s past lovers, especially considering some of the men Aziraphale had hung around with over the centuries were known for being very good in bed. He had been so jealous of those men, and hurt that Aziraphale had chosen to be with them over him, never seeming to give him a second look in that regard. 

Except, if what Aziraphale had told him was true, Aziraphale had never chosen anyone over him, because he had never chosen anyone at all. 

He wondered how honest Aziraphale was really being with him. Maybe the angel had just said what he thought Crowley needed to hear in order to get him to be comfortable enough to agree to his offer, and Crowley hated the thought that Aziraphale was only offering him pity sex. He wondered if Aziraphale really was a virgin - he’d spent so long thinking otherwise that it was difficult to get his head around the idea.

Throughout the centuries, Crowley had tried to boost his confidence by reassuring himself that being a demon gave him certain advantages over any humans. For one thing, he was very skilled with his serpentine tongue, and he knew first hand that he was very good at oral sex - his body was very bendy and he could go down on himself – and he liked the idea of wowing Aziraphale with his skills. He was very eager to please.

Crowley had wondered for a long while if Aziraphale had been resisting him because he was a demon and he couldn’t allow himself to take that final step with someone who was, technically, his enemy. The events of the failed apocalypse had brought them closer together, and he had hoped that it might have helped Aziraphale realise his feelings, if he had them. But still, Aziraphale had failed to make any feelings known and Crowley had started to truly give up hope. 

But now he suspected – if Aziraphale were telling the truth – that the angel had been resisting him purely because he thought he was promiscuous, and he didn’t want to be ‘another notch on his bedpost’ as the angel had phrased it. Crowley had shot himself in the foot by letting Aziraphale believe that lie. He was a fool. 

And now Crowley was starting to have real hope. The thought that Aziraphale might have been secretly longing for him all this time made him want to drive the angel home right now and take him apart piece by piece, really show him how much he loved him. But he couldn’t help the feeling that it was all just a fantasy and that Aziraphale was only offering himself out of obligation. 

He had always imagined their first time being hot, clumsy and frantic, but if they had to have sex just to break the curse, it was more likely to be awkward, forced and humiliating. He was scared that with the stress of the situation he might not even be able to get it up, let alone orgasm.

He wondered if the incubi might be a better choice, but the thought of being with one of them made him feel nauseous. He wouldn’t feel safe. He only felt safe with Aziraphale. 

Honestly, he might even consider taking the desk job in Hell option if it didn’t mean he would never see Aziraphale or Earth ever again.

He really hoped Anathema would be able to save him.

There was a rap at the driver’s side window making Crowley jump and look over. He hoped to see Anathema standing there, but instead there was a young girl smiling at him. She gave him a little wave and then gestured for him to wind down his window.

Crowley wasn’t in the mood so he made a shooing motion with his hand and then went back to staring glumly at his steering wheel.

The back door opened and a boy poked his head in. “Hi? Are you a detective?”

“Do I look like a bloody detective?”

“You’re wearing sunglasses like a spy. Are you spying on Anathema ‘cause she’s a witch?”

Crowley noticed with some alarm that the boy was holding a beef burger dangerously close to his Bentley’s upholstery. “Go away before you get barbeque sauce everywhere!”

Instead, the boy sat down on the middle seat. “Nah, it’s okay. I’ll be careful.” The boy wiped sticky fingers on his jeans while Crowley watched on in horror.

A second boy climbed in. “Oh, I feel like I’m in a Film Noir!”

They both shuffled up to let the girl sit on the backseat with them. 

Crowley wondered how he had lost control of the situation so quickly. “Don’t you know you’re not supposed to get into a car with a stranger? I might kidnap and murder you.”

“Nah. You don’t seem like a murderer.”

“You’re not a stranger anyway,” the girl piped up. “I remember you from the airfield last summer.” 

Crowley had thought that they were vaguely familiar. Of course, they were the Antichrist’s friends. He wondered how much they remembered from the airfield and suspected that Adam might have modified their minds slightly.

Speaking of Adam, if they were here then he would not be far behind. A feeling of helpless dread descended upon him at the thought of seeing the Adversary again.

He was just about to demand that the children scram right this second, when, as if on cue, the passenger side door opened and the Antichrist himself climbed into what Crowley would always see as being Aziraphale’s seat.

A rush of fear swept through Crowley as he stared at the Antichrist. He remembered the horrifying feeling of this boy searching his mind and reading his entire life history as though it were a book - and not a particularly interesting one at that. He knew everything about him. Every sin, every mistake, every embarrassment.

“Hi,” Adam said.

Crowley wondered if Adam still had his powers. He had altered reality that day, changed the world and changed himself. It had seemed like he had turned himself fully human but he couldn’t be sure. It was best not to risk it. 

“Hello, my Lord.”

“You don’t need to call me that. Just Adam will do,” said the Antichrist casually as he looked around at the Bentley’s interior. “This car looks way better when it’s not on fire.” 

“Er, thanks,” said Crowley, then he suddenly remembered why his car was not currently a pile of charred metal. “Thanks for bringing it back! And the bookshop. Thanks for everything really, it’s greatly appreciated.”

“No problem. Why have you got a curse on you?”

“Er… You can see that? Well, it’s a very long story- what are you doing?”

Adam had picked up a Zippo lighter from the dashboard (Crowley had bought the lighter in the 1960s because it looked cool) and it had just burst into flame.

Crowley flinched. “I don’t think you should be playing with that.”

Adam started speaking in tongues, or at least that was what it sounded like to Crowley. He didn’t recognise the language.

“A- Adam? Are you okay? Er…”

Crowley gasped. Ever since he’d had the curse cast onto him he’d felt a constant muggy clamminess about him like he was trapped in a sauna. It had just lifted, and the horrible black smog had vanished with it too. 

Crowley stared at Adam, agog. “It- it’s gone!”

“Yep.”

“How did you do that?”

Adam shrugged. “I knew everything that day, just for a moment. Absolutely everything. And I’m like an elephant.”

“An elephant?”

“An elephant never forgets,” Adam said with a knowing smile. “That’s from the Jungle Book.”

Crowley smiled at him. “Thank you. You’ve no idea how stressed out I was. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” Adam said proudly. 

“Children! Get out of there!” 

Crowley spun around, and through the window he saw Anathema advancing on them. 

Walking beside her was Aziraphale, who looked pale and tired. They reached the car just as the kids scarpered, racing towards Newt who was guarding the barbeque.

Aziraphale took a nervous bite of a burger he was holding, and then paused mid-chew to stare thoughtfully at Crowley. He swallowed and then opened the driver’s side door. 

“I can’t see the curse anymore?” 

“That’s because it’s gone! Adam fixed it! I’m cured!”

Aziraphale let out a gasp of astonishment. “Oh thank goodness! I’m so glad!”

“Everything is okay then?” Anathema asked, looking confused but relieved. 

“It is, my dear, I’m so sorry we bothered you. Thank you for all of your help. And for the beef burger.”

“No problem, I’m glad everything worked out alright.”

“Thank you,” said Crowley. 

“Would you both like to join us?” Anathema asked, pointing behind her at the garden and the barbeque.

Crowley smiled but shook his head. “Thanks, but better not. It’s been a very long day.”

They all said their goodbyes and then she returned to her party. 

Aziraphale got into the car and closed the door. Crowley glanced at the burger he was holding, thinking again about the Bentley’s upholstery but Aziraphale misconstrued his expression. The angel looked ashamed. “I'm sorry, Crowley, I should have got you one too! I can go back and-”

"No, no. I'm fine. Just don't make a mess of the car, angel. Watch those crumbs." 

Aziraphale smiled at him fondly, making Crowley's chest tighten. Crowley looked away, focusing on getting the car moving, and soon they were zipping through the streets of Lower Tadfield.

A pleased sound escaped the angel's lips as he finished the last bite of his burger. "I do so enjoy a good barbeque," he said, dabbing at his lips with a handkerchief. 

Crowley wondered vaguely if Aziraphale had miracled the handkerchief out of raw firmament or if he had just happened to have one in his pocket. Probably the latter. Victorian sensibilities.

"We were lucky Adam was there," Aziraphale said suddenly. "Lucky, lucky."

"Yeah."

"Not such a terrible child, when you get right down to it. As antichrists go!" Aziraphale let out a little chuckle. 

Crowley laughed weakly. He concentrated on the road.

"Anathema had never broken a curse before, so it was quite a relief to find the situation taken care of." 

When Aziraphale spoke again, his voice was slightly too loud and it made Crowley jump. "Well! That was close, wasn't it! To think we almost... Well!"

"Er... Yeah. Very close." Crowley's face felt hot. 

"Everything worked out for the best! Phew!"

Crowley nodded in agreement.

Aziraphale stared out of the window and then started to fidget. He looked back at Crowley with a big smile. “Oh, let’s go out for dinner to celebrate! How does the Ritz sound?"

Crowley didn't really feel up to going out in public. He mostly just wanted to sit at home, on his own, and obsess over every little thing Aziraphale had said. Perhaps even yell at his plants a bit too.

It seemed Aziraphale noticed his hesitation. The angel’s voice was quick and desperate. "Or... Or we could get a takeaway? That lovely Chinese place you like? We could stop by on the way home."

Crowley did feel a bit hungry, now he thought about it, now that he was no longer in danger. 

He glanced at Aziraphale, who was looking at him hopefully. He owed the angel a lot - without his help who knew what would have happened. It wouldn’t have even crossed his mind to go to Anathema. The least Crowley could do was buy Aziraphale dinner.

"Sure," Crowley said with a smile.

Aziraphale beamed. "Shall we go to the bookshop? Or would you rather we went to yours?"

“Bookshop is good.” 

“Lovely.”

“Thank you for all your help today, angel.” 

“Oh, not a problem! I’m glad I was able to be of assistance! I’m only sorry I couldn’t break the curse myself.” Aziraphale’s eyes went wide and he looked mortified. “Using my powers, I mean! With the ritual!” He let out an embarrassed laugh.

“I know what you meant, angel.” 

They drove back to London, mostly in silence. Aziraphale gazed out of the window thoughtfully for most of the journey, though more than once Crowley thought he caught him looking at him in a way that made Crowley’s heart pound. 

He wondered if Aziraphale might still want to have sex with him, even without the curse as a reason.

***

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley, who was sat beside him on the sofa. 

The demon was currently clutching his bowl of chow mein tightly to his chest, and staring at the television. A documentary about penguins was on. 

He had been very quiet on the car ride home, and he seemed even more withdrawn since they had settled down in the bookshop.

Aziraphale nibbled at a vegetable roll and hoped the demon was okay. It had been a stressful day for the both of them, especially Crowley, and he suspected the demon was just a bit shell-shocked and embarrassed. A secret of his had been revealed against his will after all. 

“Do you want to finish it?” Crowley asked, offering the bowl to Aziraphale. “I’m full.”

Aziraphale saw that Crowley had barely eaten half of it. “Are you sure you don’t want any more?” 

“I’ve had plenty.”

“Well, if you’re sure.” He took the proffered bowl, his fingers accidently brushing Crowley’s. He felt the demon tense. 

They both stared at the television. 

The angel ate distractedly while a team of penguins waddled across the screen, then he pushed the bowl away onto the coffee table. 

He shifted uncomfortably, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. He wanted to discuss all that had happened that day but he didn’t even know where to start. 

Crowley spoke first. “So… about earlier. Er. Are you really a virgin, or-? If you were just pretending, I understand. It's okay.”

“I am a virgin, yes.”

“I thought maybe you just said it to make me more comfortable or something.”

“I said it because it needed to be said at the time, especially under the circumstances. I assure you, it’s true. Everything I said was true.”

Crowley was turning a wonderful shade of red. “Everything? Did you really mean everything you said? About, er, being curious? And that I am the only one you would ever consider…”

A strange sort of dizziness descended on Aziraphale. He felt naked and vulnerable. His mouth opened but he couldn’t speak so he just nodded.

Crowley’s eyes softened. He leant in towards Aziraphale, nervous, hesitant. Their faces inches apart. Aziraphale tensed in anticipation, knowing that the kiss was coming, staring at Crowley’s lips as they moved closer. Crowley’s lips parted and the demon spoke, his voice gentle and full of longing. “You are the only one I have ever…”

And Crowley leant in and kissed him gently, such a light press of lips. And then another kiss and another, and Aziraphale was kissing him back, again and again, the both of them so uncertain at first until the kisses became deeper, more insistent and eager. Hands pressed against waists, hands clung to shoulders and brushed through hair.

They broke the kiss and pulled apart, although they were still holding onto each other tightly. Their eyes met, and they grinned at each other and laughed. This was still so new.

It warmed Aziraphale’s heart to see Crowley so happy, and he pulled the demon into a hug, holding him close. Aziraphale ran his fingers through the demon’s hair, enjoying having this level of closeness, enjoying being allowed to touch him like this. The demon nestled his head against his shoulder, and Aziraphale could feel his breath against his neck.

They snuggled on the sofa, watching the rest of the documentary although neither of them were really paying all that much attention to it.

***

The documentary ended and the adverts came on. 

Crowley smiled against Aziraphale’s neck and decided that he could happily stay in the angel’s embrace like this for hours, centuries even, if he had the chance. 

It would be nice to fall asleep like this, but not yet, another time, for he was not in the least bit tired right now. The way the angel was playing with the hair at the nape of his neck felt soothing and, as it turned out, also arousing. He had not known that he was quite so sensitive there. 

He shifted and kissed at Aziraphale’s neck, pressing his lips to warm skin, letting his tongue flick out to taste him. Aziraphale gasped, his fingers digging into Crowley’s hair. The demon grinned, enjoying being able to get his angel worked up so easily. He parting his lips and then slid his tongue across the angel’s bare throat, drawing a desperate little murmur from the angel’s mouth. 

“Oh, you’re getting me rather hot under the collar,” Aziraphale gasped.

“Oh, really?” Crowley smirked, “Perhaps your collar needs loosening then, allow me…” 

Crowley tugged at Aziraphale’s bowtie impatiently, quickly pulling it loose before making light word of the top few buttons of Aziraphale’s shirt. Crowley pulled aside the crisp white collar, then dipped his head and trailed his lips along Aziraphale’s collar bone drawing a sharp little moan from the angel. He flicked out his tongue and Aziraphale shuddered.

Crowley found himself being pulled up onto the angel’s lap. He let his legs fall either side of Aziraphale’s thighs, straddling him. Crowley raised his mouth from his throat to his jaw, and then pressed their lips together once again, his hands grasping at Aziraphale's shirt front.

An all-consuming heat spread through him. He needed more, he wanted to be closer. He shifted forwards on Aziraphale’s lap, pressing their bodies together as tightly as he could, rolling his hips, grinding against him. Aziraphale whimpered, his hands at the small of Crowley’s back, holding him tightly and pulling him in. 

And then, without warning, Aziraphale was pushing him back again, forcing a gap between their bodies. Aziraphale had a determined look on his face as he pressed a hand against the bulge in Crowley’s trousers, fondling him through his clothes. 

Crowley gasped and shivered under the onslaught, his eyes drifting closed as he rocked his hips, pushing against the exploring hand. He dipped his head, moaning, and when he opened his eyes, Aziraphale was looking at him with an altogether far too smug expression on his face which Crowley absolutely had to wipe away. Crowley reached forward and pushed his palm against Aziraphale’s crotch. The smug look immediately vanished and Aziraphale made an undignified noise before biting his lower lip and closing his eyes. Crowley grinned, feeling very proud of himself.

Crowley leant forward, laying kisses across Aziraphale’s brow, his cheek, his lips, while the angel trembled under him.

“I- I- Can I? Please?” Aziraphale murmured. His hand had stopped its fondling in order to grab at Crowley’s belt. “I want to see you.”

Crowley hesitated, suddenly nervous. But this was Aziraphale here with him, and he felt so safe and loved that it was hard to feel insecure. Plus, his trousers felt uncomfortably restrictive, and Aziraphale’s touches felt so good. He wanted Aziraphale to see him, to touch him, and he wanted to see Aziraphale just as badly. He wanted more.

“Do it, angel.”

Clumsy hands tugged and pulled at his belt, then unbuttoned his trousers and unzipped his fly. Crowley looked down and saw himself straining against his underwear. He gasped as Aziraphale’s hand slipped below the waistband to take hold of him. Crowley watched, shuddering and breathing heavily, as he was pulled free and put on show. He felt vulnerable, and he looked up into Aziraphale’s eyes for reassurance, but he found that the angel’s full attention was focused between his legs, his face full of awe and lust.

“You are so beautiful, Crowley.”

“…shuddup…” Crowley murmured with embarrassment.

Aziraphale started to stroke him and Crowley whimpered. He looked down. It was so odd, and so exciting, to see himself in Aziraphale’s grip like that. He watched, mesmerised, but then his eyes drifted to Aziraphale’s own neglected arousal, still trapped away. 

He made light work of Aziraphale’s belt and trousers, which was no mean feat considering the angel was stroking him the whole time. 

Aziraphale was large and thick, and he felt so good in his hand. Crowley pulled him free, stroking fingers through the dampness at his head before taking hold and pumping him. 

Aziraphale was gasping, mouth open, and he was still trying to stroke Crowley, but it all seemed too much for him and his movements were slow and clumsy. Crowley could feel the angel frantically trying to thrust his hips upwards but it was proving difficult for him with a demon parked on his lap. 

Crowley picked up a steady pace, pumping him relentlessly. He felt Aziraphale shaking beneath him. 

“I- I- I’m…“ Aziraphale’s breath hitched and his whole body tensed.

Crowley watched as he came. He saw Aziraphale’s seed spill and he felt it fall across his hand. He saw the look of pure, astonished bliss that appeared on Aziraphale’s face.

“Ah-! Crowley!”

“Aziraphale…” he murmured, kissing parted lips.

Crowley rocked his hips, thrusting into Aziraphale’s tight fist. He felt his release creeping up on him, unstoppable and overwhelming, and suddenly he was tipping over the edge, spilling into Aziraphale’s hand. He cried out, shaking, his face pressed against Aziraphale’s own. 

And then he felt something else. That clammy, swimming sensation that had accompanied the curse returned, and when he opened his eyes and pulled back he was startled and horrified to see that a black smog surrounded him once again, but in a moment it dissipated into nothing, taking that swimming feeling away with it.

Crowley let out a squeak. He looked nervously at Aziraphale, scared that the angel had known the curse was still there all along and that this had all been an act, but he could tell that Aziraphale was just as shocked and surprised as he was. 

Aziraphale looked bewildered. “What? But… I thought you said the antichrist removed the curse?”

“He did! I don’t understand - it had gone!”

“What language was he speaking? What did he say?”

“I don’t know!” Crowley said, a hysterical note in his voice. “It just sounded like gibberish!”

“It’s alright,” Aziraphale said soothingly. He pulled Crowley into a hug and kissed his cheek. “It’s alright. I’m sorry for all the questions. I think he must have only made the curse invisible.”

“Invisible?!”

“Yes. There is a curse that would make another curse invisible for… a day I think? I would have to consult my books.”

Crowley tightened his grip on the angel, concerned that he was going to abandon him to go look through his tomes. “I was still cursed this entire time?!”

“It appears so,” said Aziraphale. “That antichrist! What a rascal!”

“A rascal? A rascal?! That’s the bloody understatement of the year! He let me think I was cured! Bloody kids these days and their stupid pranks! It’s lucky you fancied me all along and we ended up having sex or I’d have got a bloody shock when the curse came back! I would have been back to square one with even less time to sort it out! I’m gonna find that kid and- and-!”

He didn’t finish the threat because he was still scared of Adam and couldn’t actually imagine doing as much as even raising his voice at him. He didn’t want Aziraphale to know this.

“Perhaps he knew,” Aziraphale said thoughtfully.

“Huh?”

“Perhaps he knew how we felt about each other all along, and knew that this was inevitable. Perhaps, at the end of the world, he saw our future. Or he could see your future as well as your past when he searched your mind on the airfield.”

“I hope he didn’t see this! He’s a kid!”

“Perhaps he knew you didn’t trust me when you thought I was only offering because of the curse, and that this was the only way to get you to believe me.”

“Yeah. Maybe,” Crowley said grumpily.

“And I do love you, Crowley. So very deeply.”

“I love you too, angel.” 

And he kissed him.

***

Anathema and Adam were sat in the kitchen. Everyone else was currently outside, including the rest of the Them, enjoying the barbeque. 

With this brief moment of privacy, Anathema leant towards Adam. “I’m so glad you were able to help Crowley. I had absolutely no idea what to do. If Aziraphale couldn’t do it, then I definitely wouldn’t have been able to.”

Adam shrugged. “No one could have. The curse was too strong.”

She smiled at this young and innocent-looking boy that had the power to destroy the world and had instead chosen to save it. “No one except you.”

He shook his head. “Nope, not even me. Don’t tell anyone, but the spell I used only made it invisible.”

Anathema stared at him in stunned silence. “What?”

“I could tell I wouldn't be able to break the curse so I just made it invisible.”

“Crowley’s still cursed?!”

“Maybe. Depends if him and Aziraphale made out yet.”

“Why did you-?! But they must know the curse is still there? They’re supernatural…”

“Don’t be daft. It’s invisible. I told you.” 

Panicked, she pulled her mobile phone from the pocket of her dress. She had the number of Aziraphale’s bookshop in her contacts. “I have to tell them! Oh, Adam, what have you done…”

“No,” Adam cried, making a grab for her phone, but she lifted it out of his reach. “You can’t tell them! It’ll ruin everything! They won’t make out it if they think they’re being forced to. You’ll just scare them and then they’ll be too nervous to kiss or anything!”

Anathema floundered. “But- But if they don’t break the curse, he’ll be trapped in Hell forever!”

“They’ll break the curse by making out, so don’t disturb them.”

“But how do you know that they will definitely break the curse themselves?” Anathema hesitated. Adam was, or had been, the antichrist, and he knew things that no human, let alone a young boy, should ever normally know. Perhaps he knew the future, perhaps he truly knew that this was the only way to save Crowley. Adam had the power of a deity and the imagination of a human which made him unbelievably strong. She had to have faith in him. “Did you see their future?”

“Huh? Nah. Nothing like that. I can’t do that kind of thing anymore. My powers are nowhere near as strong as they were in the lead up to the Armagedidn’t.”

“Arma-what?” She shook her head and tried to focus. “Then how do you know that Crowley and Aziraphale definitely have feelings for each other?”

“I just overheard Aziraphale blubbering to you after you told him that you couldn't help. And he was telling you how Crowley doesn’t believe that he really likes him, even though he actually does fancy him loads. ” 

"You heard all of that?"

“So I thought, if they both think the curse is gone then Crowley will believe him when Aziraphale tells him he fancies him. Clever, huh?"

"I- I guess it might work... It sounded like Aziraphale was fully intending to tell Crowley how he felt. But does Crowley even feel the same way about Aziraphale?"

"Of course he does! I know it for sure! On the airfield I read Crowley’s mind to make sure he wasn’t an evil demon, and he’s been madly in love with Aziraphale since forever!"

She gasped. “Forever? Since the beginning of time?”

“I didn’t mean it literally. Not since the very very beginning. They didn’t even know each other back when they were both angels. He was too busy trying to fit in with the coolest angels.”

“Coolest?”

“He thought Lucifer was super cool. But Crowley has loved Aziraphale ever since Eden.”

“Wow. Well. It might be okay then.”

“Of course it’ll be okay. They’ve fancied each other for ages. Now they can finally consolidate their love.”

Anathema was sure the word he had been looking for was ‘consummate,’ but she didn’t really want to get into it. 

“So now we just wait,” Adam said, “The curse will only be hidden for 24 hours anyway, so if Crowley is still cursed after that then I’ll have to go and knock some sense into the both of them.”

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that,” said Anathema, and somehow, she suspected it wouldn’t. 

***


End file.
